Like an annoying melody,
Mr. Fuches is back with
FUCHES UNFAMILIAR QUOTATIONS
the 6th volume in an increasingly perverse series
"Poor people get bored, too."
- Chance Boudreaux, _Hard Target_
"What exactly to you DO for a living?"
"Cleaner."
"You mean you're a hitman?"
"Yeah."
"...cool."
"Is life always this hard, or just when you're a kid?"
"Always like this."
"I'm not scared. I've been around. Some things in life are out of line."
"Arguing with a person's faith is like chasing them around a parking lot: you can keep backing them up and backing them up, but you'll never actually corner them."
"The problem with tolerance is that you have to tolerate the intolerant as well."
"Black people call *eachother* 'niggers'."
"And I might call my wife 'The Booty Monster' but that doesn't mean I want YOU calling her that."
"An injury is much sooner forgiven than an insult."
"There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?"
"Aunt Tobel says that, compared to my dad, I'm hung like a rhino!"
"To call this stuff sophomoric would be an insult to undergraduates."
"...you could have knocked me over with Michael Huffington's brain."
"There is nothing scarier than a mediocre man with a mission."
"I distrust all multiculturalism, liberal or conservative. The Balkans amply demonstrate the perils of Balkanization."
"To most Americans, the bicycle is no more than a toy. But as our city streets clog with traffic, it is worth noting that this affordable machine is still the prime source of transportation for the majority of the world's people and remains the most efficient means of self-propulsion ever invented."
"Nobody likes the idea of a totally autonomous sub with a nuclear generator. What if it washed up on Hampton Beach?"
"Ow, ow, stop, ow...."
"SORRY ABOUT YOUR HEAD...!"
"There is a First Amendment right to speak in a encrypted way.... The right to speak P.G.P. is like the right to speak Navajo. The Government has no particular right to prevent you from speaking in a technical manner even if it is inconvenient for them to understand."
"Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds."
"If five years from now we [the FBI] solve the access problem, but what we're hearing is all encrypted... the objective is the same. The objective is for us to get those conversations whether they're by an alligator clip or ones and zeros. Whoever they are, whatever they are, I need them."
"You can have my PGP passphrase when you pry it from my cold, dead brain."
"The Net--a pretty okay substitute for a life."
"If you can't take the heat, get the fuck out of the kitchen. Real men check e-mail (and news) every 3 hours."
"_Wired_ would be on their own 'Tired' List."
"No matter what it is, it USED to work."
"The great thing about multitasking is that several things can go wrong at once."
"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila."
"Well, that's the price you pay for paying no price."
"Enjoying life is one of the few things that I really enjoy doing...."
"*We do more before 8 AM than most people do their whole lives!*"
"Coming in second place just means you were the first person to lose...."
"Mmm, two great tastes that taste like shit."
"Brings back ol memories of being lost in the deep woods of rural germany in a drunken stupor with nothing to piss on but an electric fence."
"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding onto."
"If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it."
"I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion."
"The Pledge of Allegiance says 'Liberty and Justice for All.' Which part of 'All' don't you understand?"
"He who marches joyfully to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt."
"Bass... funky-ass bass!"
"It's a poor artist who borrows--a good artist steals."
"Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?"
"The road to hell is paved with good intestines."
"It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life."
"I have forgotten more law than you ever knew, but allow me to say, I have not forgotten much."
"An economist is one who knows 200 ways to make love but doesn't know any women."
"Oh, yeah, that THUD you just heard was Duke crashing back to Earth."
"Now, off to march in the Greenwich Village parade dressed as a tampon...."
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
"One should not attempt to cross a chasm in two bounds."
"If you don't let me play, I'm taking my ball and going home."
"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them."
"What is a good man but a bad man's teacher?
What is a bad man but a good man's job?
If you do not remember this,
You will get lost,
No matter how intelligent you are.
It is the great secret."
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
"When you appeal to force, there's one thing you must never do--lose."
"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it."
"There are also a lot of nice buildings in Haiphong. What their contributions are to the war effort I don't know, but the desire to bomb a virgin building is terrific."
"Another rule of thumb I learned from this weekend: NEVER mix Lite beer, red wine, white wine, scotch and soda, bourbon and water, seven and seven, and champagne. It makes you kinda tired."
"By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day."
"Ecstasy is a glimpse of the infinite; horror is full disclosure."
"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
"The graveyards in South Carolina are full of people who were waiting for Strom Thurmond to die so they could run for his Senate seat."
"'Boy'?! Who you callin' 'boy'?! I've got a bucket full of balls, a yard of dick, and enough hair on my ass to weave an Indian rug!"
"YOUR MOTHER'S."
"The ShitBox needs batteries--and duct tape."
"Our strategy was no good, and we stuck with it."
"Any political group that bashes the poor is neither religious nor right."
"I believe in animal rights as well as human rights. I think that is part of being a total human being."
"When we kill animals to eat them, they end up killing us because their flesh, which contains cholesterol and saturated fat, was never intended for human beings, who are natural herbivores."
"Nineteen year old boys are good for one thing."
"Maybe, but they're not *very* good at it."
"Well, if you get one and train him right, then you never need another one."
"The problem with being best man at a wedding is that you never get a chance to prove it."
"How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
"There is no security on this earth; there is only opportunity."
"Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward."
"There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
"You can either take action, or you can hang back and hope for a miracle. Miracles are great, but they are so unpredictable."
"Heaven's help is better than early rising."
"I'd rather be lucky than good any day."
"It matters if you don't just give up."
"Never, Never, Never, Never give up."
"The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary."
"The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail."
"Any idiot can face a crisis--it's the day-to-day living that wears you out."
"The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection."
"He that can have patience can have what he will."
"The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously."
"It would not be better if things happened to men just as they wish."
"...The important thing is: if you fail once, or if your luck is bad this time, the dream is still there. A dream is only over if you give it up--or if it comes true."
"Never criticise a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. Then, if he doesn't like it, it doesn't matter because you're a mile away and you have his shoes."
"I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."
"The most popular labour-saving device is still money."
"If you're there before it's over, you're on time."
"Jello is also a dish best served cold."
"Life sucks. Get a helmet."
"I'm black history."
January 26, 1995