With a hat tip to Andrew Sullivan, here are Christopher Hitchens's Ten Commandments Reimagined. (This is excerpted from an exegisis of the original Ten Commandments, which is rather longer and not nearly as consistently amusing, but still might be worth your time.) You've got to love Number Eight.
And here's Uncle Walt, with his timeless admonitions.
"This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul; and your very flesh shall be a great poem."
- Walt Whitman, Preface to "Leaves of Grass"